Hotel Uzumaki
by scarface101
Summary: One day Naruto gets a strange call... which quickly leads him to running his own hotel... for goddesses? Naruto x harem. Some bashing. No flames.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Previous update was on the short side. I hope to make up for that with this one. I hope you enjoy it, this idea was brought on by the online game Smite, and Hotel Transylvania. No flames please.**

 **Chapter one: Naruto… Hotel manager**?

It was another day in Konoha as one Naruto Uzumaki was sitting in his apartment, eating his lunch. All of a sudden his phone began ringing. He quirked up an eyebrow in curiosity. To his knowledge the phone had been broken for some years now, plus he didn't know anyone that would attempt to call him.

In curiosity he set down his chopsticks and picked up the phone, he spoke into the mouthpiece "Uh, hello?" a quiet feminine voice spoke on the phone "Umm, is this Naruto Uzumaki?" the blonde hesitantly replied "Yes, who am I speaking to?"

The voice answered him "My name is Chang'e I am the Faerie of the Moon. I wish to make a reservation." The blonde scratched his head at this. This woman introduced herself as the Moon goddess? According to the legend she and her husband were cursed to live as mortals, to ascend back into godhood her husband acquired an elixir of immortality.

A group of thieves attempted to steal it only for her in desperation to drink it. She down the whole elixir and regained her godhood, but she was rocketed to the moon, leaving her husband on Earth, much to her sorrow.

"I am sorry… are you certain you have the right number Ms Chang'e?" he asked, unsure how to handle this situation. "I am positive. I am holding your business card now." She replied over the phone causing the blonde's jaw to drop.

He had never given out any business cards, let alone even own a business. "This must be some kind of mistake! I never have…" he was interrupted by the feminine voice who said "Please stay there. I am on the way now." The phone clicked as the dial tone rang. Naruto slowly put the phone back into place and muttered "That was… weird."

He was about to return to his meal when his doorbell suddenly rang. He slowly walked toward it and opened it up… and saw a beautiful woman with a snow white bunny on her shoulder, which had strange emerald colored eyes.

The woman bowed to him and the Rabbit spoke "Afternoon Naruto-san. Don't mind her, she is with me. I am Cha… I mean I am Pipkin the rabbit." The blonde blinked several times, catching the slip up and then voiced his deduction "You're using ventriloquism to make the bunny talk! So cool!" he clapped several times, impressed at her skill.

The woman waved him off and used her bunny to speak "Ha! You got me! Most impressive! It isn't often I carelessly make a mistake like that! May I come in?" with a nod the blonde ushered her inside. She took a seat on the living room couch and quickly looked about.

"Quite a modest home. Well cared for despite the grotesque outside, all of that graffiti was most distasteful, but I see that is an excellent cover for this Hotel." The rabbit spoke as the goddess fed her a carrot.

"Hotel? I'm sorry but this must be a mistake!" the blonde exclaimed in confusion. The Moon goddess was equally confused as she produced a small slip of paper. The blonde took it and read the contents, it was indeed a business card, but his eyes bugged out in astonishment. It had his name, address, contact information, and something that read 'Hotel Uzumaki! Number One hotel for goddesses of all Pantheons!'

The blonde was utterly stunned. He had no idea how this could have happened! The goddess in front of him then spoke, again through her rabbit Pipkin "It appears we have caused you some inconvenience. I hope this will be sufficient payment for your services and my room and board." She produced a large basketball sized Jade bauble and presented it to the blonde.

He took it, and looked at her, then to the Jade bauble, and back to her several times. "Is this pure Jade?" he asked her, to which she nodded and the bunny spoke "But of course! Is it not enough? We can get another one if need be."

The whiskered teen shook his head from side to side "No! It is plenty." He yelped, not wanting to take advantage of the offer, lest he might invoke a goddess' wrath. The moon goddess smiled at him and once again the bunny spoke "I am glad. Please take good care of us."

The blonde sighed. He had no idea how to handle this. Not to mention he was still confused on how this happened. Then his phone rang again, prompting him to answer "Umm, This is Naruto Uzumaki speaking?"

Another female voice was heard over the phone "This is Bastet! I wanna make a reservation at your hotel!" the blonde was dumbstruck, a second goddess had called him for some strange reason. Then without warning she said "I am on the way! Don't give away my room to someone else!" Before he could say anything she had hanged up and a knocking was at the door.

He opened the door more quickly this time and saw… a cat woman. "Hi! Did I make it? I did? Yes? Great!" she spoke excitedly as she shoved past him and plopped herself on the floor as she performed several stretches "Not a bad place! You have any scratching posts?"

Naruto's mouth could open and close dumbly as he absently held out his hand. "Oh yeah! Here!" Using her tail the cat goddess placed a large bag, filled to the brim with gold coins. He between the gold and the feline several times… and then fainted as he fell onto the floor.

"… Serqet! She poisoned him! I will get you for this you damn Scorpion!" yelled the cat goddess, causing one Scorpion goddess to sneeze in the deserts of Suna.

Several hours later, Naruto came to and noticed his head was in Chang'e's lap. She gave him a gentle smile as he slowly sat up and said to himself with beads of sweat rolling down his cheeks "It wasn't a dream. It wasn't a dream."

From the Kitchen one Bastet yelled "I am hungry! Feed us!" the Bunny hopped up to the blonde and stated "Please do, as our host it is your responsibility to care for us." The blonde sighed and inwardly cried anime tears as he asked "Have any preferences?"

Chang'e raised her hand up and spoke for herself for the first time in a shy voice "I am a vegetarian." Then the cat goddess yelled out "Fish! I want fish! Gimme fish!" with a sweatdrop the blonde set about preparing their meals. Fortunately those payments he got could bring him a small fortune, he would never have to worry about food or other essentials again.

After a few minutes he brought them their desired meals. Chang'e gracefully ate up her salad, occasionally offering pieces to her rabbit companion. Bastet however gobbled up her meal with gusto, making several loud slurping noises.

At last their meals were finished and they both thanked the blonde for the meal. It was quite enjoyable since they had grown tired of gourmet and rich foods. For a moment the blonde had a sense of pride, no one had ever thanked him for his cooking.

But then he thought to himself about the fact since two had already shown up, it would be likely more would appear and he couldn't house them all in his apartment. Unless he took possession of the apartments below his. No one lived in them anyway, and with the money he could exchange for using the coins and Jade Bauble, he would be able to buy them and get them fixed up within the week.

He glanced at the clock, he needed to get to the Academy soon. And fast. "Glad you enjoyed it girls. But I need to get to school." The two goddesses looked a little ashamed. They had taken up much of his time without considering about the consequences.

"Allow me to assist" Spoke Pipkin, whom Chang'e was speaking through again. "Hold on tight to me and I'll get you to your class in a flash!" The blonde was skeptical at how a small bunny could help… but then they were goddesses. He held onto the rabbit and then… (Zhwooooom!)

A cloud of dust appeared where the two were. And the door swung open. Making a small creaking sound. Outside a blur shot through the streets of Konoha, blowing past civilians, making the skirts of women fly up, sending newspapers into the air, knocking down vendor stalls and more.

"GANGWAY! COMING THROUGH! OUT OF THE WAY ASSHOLE! MOVE ASIDE!" screamed a voice on the wind as it zoomed past a certain masked Jonin, who the blur sped by, causing the Jonin's clothes to rip off leaving him in his underwear.

At last they made it to the Academy. Pipkin stopped dead in his tracks, sending a screaming Naruto soaring into his classroom. "HEEEEEELP!" he yelled as he crashed through the window, skidded across the floor, bounced off the wall and miraculously landed in his usual seat with swirls in his eyes.

The entire class was dead silent. They had known the blonde to be erratic… but that was a brand new level of extreme. Not even Iruka, knew how to react to this. Or even Sasuke, who's face was contorted into a weird smirking and cringing mix.

Iruka slowly turned back to his chalkboard and attempted to resume the lesson, all the while trying to pretend that the interruption didn't happen. After some time the blonde had recovered enough to wake up and pay attention to the lesson.

After some time it was at last time for Class spars. Naruto hoped it was anyone except Sasuke, not because he was scared of the Uchiha. But because he felt Sasuke always had an unfair advantage with his Clan Taijutsu, and a majority of the class knew it, not counting the fangirls.

Sasuke stood in the center of the arena, his uncaring expression on his face. Naruto always wanted to wipe that expression off the Uchiha's face. It was always annoying to look at. But the problem was that the blonde didn't have a fighting style of his own to use, nor any actual Taijutsu training.

Naruto's name was called. With a sigh he entered the ring, wanting to attempt beating down the arrogant Uchiha. With a quick motion the scarred Chunin began the match, Naruto dashed towards the Uchiha and tried punching the Uchiha's midsection, the attack was intercepted as Sasuke flipped the blonde onto the ground and punched him in the face.

Naruto ground his teeth in anger as Sasuke sent another punch to the blondes face, Naruto tried to bring his arms up but Sasuke bypassed Naruto's guard. After several blows, Naruto had a black eye and a bloodied lip, but still the Uchiha didn't let up. Naruto's few friends called for the match to be stopped. Even Hinata cried out for it to stop.

But neither Iruka nor Mizuki would call the match. Shikamaru, Shino, and Chouji were about to physically intervene… until someone grabbed the Uchiha by the collar and threw him off the blonde.

"Goku no like you! You mean! You bad guy!" said a loud voice. Everyone looked and saw a young woman with crimson red hair, and fur on her body. Her modesty was kept by some kind of battle armor… if it could be called that, that covered her chest and lower torso, leaving nothing to the imagination as a staff was held in her hands.

"Who the hell are you?" Demanded Sasuke in anger at being interrupted from beating his punching bag. "Me Son Goku! The Monkey King! Me no like you! You bully! Goku hates bullies!" she proclaimed in a loud voice.

Several of the students stared dumbly… and then Iruka spoke up "Monkey King? But… you're a girl…" (Thwack!) The chunin was hit on the head by the monkey woman who proclaimed proudly "Son Goku is Monkey King and Monkey King is Son Goku! Son Goku not care for gender! Son Goku care about strength! And Son Goku is stronger than Old Fart Enma!"

This caused the two Chunin to wonder if this strange woman was one of the Sandaime's summons that has run amok. She turned to the blonde and asked "Who you? Goku thinks you nice! Goku likes nice!" the blonde blushed as he got a good view of her cleavage as he answered her "Naruto Uzumaki Goku-san."

"No 'san' Call Goku Goku! Goku like you! Be friends! Goku give you present!" she yelled as she fished for something between her breasts and pulled out a large pouch making everyone yell "WHERE THE HELL DID YOU HIDE THAT?!"

She opened the bag which contained a number of beans "Goku give to friend! Friend eats! Make better!" she offered one to him and he took it and ate the bean, his injuries miraculously vanished. As though he had never been injured at all.

"See? Better now! Goku helps friend!" she exclaimed as she offered a hand to him. The blonde took it as she helped him on to his feet "Thanks Goku." Naruto spoke, genuinely touched by how nice she was. "No thanks! Goku cares for friends! Goku beat up bad people that hurt friends! Friend want Goku to beat up bad guy?!" she yelled while twirling her staff.

An idea crossed the blonde's mind as he said "Weeeell, I'm not naming names, but there is a certain guy that's got a funny haircut in the shape of a ducks ass." A series of question marks popped over the classes heads, while a big red arrow blinks pointing at Sasuke.

Goku glanced at the 'avenger' and noticed his weird haircut. "Goku beat up scowling kid! He has weird haircut!" with a loud screech she pounds her chest and uses her tail as a spring to launch herself towards the Uchiha. A few short minutes of pummeling, kicking, ballbusting, wet willies, and super wedgies, Sasuke was lying on the ground unconscious, with his entire body black and blue, and a dark spot in his pants.

"Goku done! Had fun! Goku likes Whiskers! Goku stay with Whiskers! Protect friend!" she yelled as she gave the blonde a friendly noogie on the head, pressing his head close against her generous bust making a ton of guys jealous.

When he was let go the blonde asked "What are you doing in Konoha anyway Goku?" the monkey woman scratched her stomach and replied "Goku lost. Goku try to find Special Hotel. Goku has card. But Goku can't read! Whiskers help Goku please?"

The blonde had a feeling on what this card would say as she handed it to him. It was the same one as the other two. With a sigh he said "I can take you there." The monkey woman laughed loudly as she boomed in her loud voice "Thanks! Whiskers nice! Goku get lost easy! Goku good fighter but bad at lots of stuff! Goku want stay with Whiskers!"

She hugged him tightly, nearly making him lose his balance "Okay. Please let go….. crushing! Can't breathe!" he choked out the last part. The red-haired monkey let go and yelled "Goku sorry! Goku happy to have friend!"

The blonde just waved her off, and then the bell rang, signaling the end of school. With a smile, the blonde guided her to his home, leaving a stunned class at what just transpired.

As they walked Naruto learned the monkey woman was formerly part of the Monkey summons, but because of her freakish strength and the male/female status quo, she was kicked out. Which suited her fine since she knew she was the rightful Monkey king, since then she has been traveling around.

"Whiskers run Hotel? Goku impressed! Goku happy to stay with Whiskers!" she exclaimed, as the walked down the street, they attracted a number of odd looks. "Yeah, I like you Goku. But I already have two guests there now." The blonde explained, unsure of how many more he can invite in to his home.

"That okay! Goku like neighbors! Goku not have money, but Goku can fix stuff! Goku built treehouses in Kusa! Lots of fun!" she exclaimed with a happy expression. The blonde looked at her oddly "Treehouses for kids to play in, or people to actually live in with family?" he asked to be certain.

"Both! Kids loved Goku's treehouses. Goku also built homes in trees! Much fun! Lots of exercise!" she exclaimed proudly. A gleam appeared in the blonde's eyes as he spoke "You can stay at my uh, Hotel if you don't mind working around the place. Fixing stuff and the like."

The monkey woman's tail shot straight up as she bellowed "Goku happy to! Goku like to fight, eat and build! Goku show Whiskers she good at building!" the blonde smiled at her constant enthusiasm as they at last reached the apartment complex he lived at.

Goku noticed all the graffiti along the building "Why humans paint weird stuff? Goku sees no demon. Paint makes building ugly. Goku wash off!" She yelled. The blonde put a hand on her shoulder and said "Work on the inside first. I'll buy out the apartments then give you the keys so you can work on them."

The monkey woman did a salute as she balanced her staff in her tail "Goku understand! Goku work hard for Whiskers! Make happy!" she yelled making the blonde chuckle as he entered his own apartment…. Which was a wreck.

Currently Chang'e was wrestling with Bastet, the latter trying to get her claws into a cookie jar. Pipkin was angrily bouncing up and down, yelling "STOP THIS AT ONCE BASTET! STOP TAKING NARUTO'S THINGS!" the Faerie of the moon at nm last managed to free the cookie jar, and got into a karate stance, while Bastet hissed, her fur standing on end as she was prepared to pounce.

They were interrupted by a loud 'ahem' making them freeze in place. They slowly turned to the blonde, seeing he was in the company of a Monkey woman… who was currently picking her nose. "Chang'e… Bastet. Clean this mess up. Right now."

With a nod, the two began to clean up the mess, Chang'e, speaking through Pipkin explained that the cat goddess was looking through their hosts personal belongings and eventually attempted to eat up his snacks without their hosts permission. Eventually they began to fight and… the blonde knew the rest.

Eventually nighttime came as Naruto took the couch, Chang'e slept on the bed with Pipkin, funny enough Bastet slept on the floor like a common house cat, and Son Goku slept outside in a hammock she carried with her.

Naruto was still confused how this happened, but right now… he couldn't care less since he now had some new friends, who were goddesses as well. He was actually excited for what tomorrow might bring.

 **End chapter one**.

 **A/N: Wow. Two updates in the same day. I just HAD to get this one out. I hope you enjoyed it. Suggestions are always welcome. Please leave lots of reviews! Thanks**! **Also for pictures of goddesses look on Smite wiki.**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Wow. So many positive reviews. Glad to see my stories are still appreciated to this day. Anyway, please enjoy this chapter as well! And no flames either!**

 **Chapter two: Gods of Death descend!**

It has been a week since the arrival of his new tenants, and so far life had never been better since he had become friends with them. He was currently making breakfast for them, trying to make them foods to suit their diets.

During his time with them, he had become rather close to them. Chang'e helped keep his apartment tidy until he could expand with Goku's help. In Bastet's case, Naruto used to have a rat problem, no matter what kind of traps he used they just kept coming back… until they met the Cat goddess.

The blonde wasn't sure how she got rid of them… perhaps it was better he didn't know.

Son Goku was extremely helpful. She was bored so she took it upon herself to sneak into the apartments below and inspect them ahead of time. What she discovered had her screeching to the high heavens; the apartments below Naruto's were riddled with Dry Rot, mold, termites and more. In short… it ALL had to go.

He was planning on getting Bastet and Chang'e's payments appraised so he could sell them. Under a Henge of course. He was approached from behind by his first two tenants, who both had sickly sweet smiles that promised pain.

"Oh Naruto… whatever happened to our panties?" asked the cat goddess, her claws gleaming dangerously. The blonde tilted his head as he made some omelets and replied "I have no idea what you're talking about."

Pipkin hopped on the counter as Chang'e spoke through him using ventriloquism "Now Naruto. Just tell the truth and return the panties and we can talk this out." The whiskered teen then snapped at them sharply "Oi! Don't go blaming missing panties on me because I'm a guy you jerks!"

The two goddesses smiles grew ever more venomous as a dark aura enveloped them. Naruto turned around to flip the cooked omelets onto plates… only to find them mysteriously gone. "What the…? They were right there!"

He then noticed a strange inky black blot crawling across the floor, small chewing noises coming from it. He pointed at the blot with a shaky hand causing the two goddesses to look in the pointed direction. The cat goddesses eyes widened as she mumbled "umm, what is that?"

A small yelp was heard from the blot as it dashed towards the door prompting Pipkin to yell "CATCH THAT WEIRD THING!"

With Cat like agility Bastet quickly leapt in front of the door, blocking the escape route as the blot scurried to the living room window only to be blocked by the Moon Faerie. A scream erupted from the blot as it jumped towards the kitchen window to escape, only for Naruto to catch the blot inside of an empty trash bag.

He quickly closed it off and tied it shut so it couldn't escape. "Quick work there… now where were we?" asked the cat goddess, to which the blonde scratched his head and replied "You were claiming I was a panty thief. I think this weird thing might be the culprit… whatever it is."

The two goddesses looked at each other and shrugged. Then a loud belch was heard from the bag. It was a clear bag and so they were able to see… "Our panties?" the two said in unison. Suddenly a giggling noise was heard from the bag as a voice spoke "Aye. I took them. I wanted to see ye pummel the brat and think he was a pervy bastard. Guess that failed when ye spotted me boyo."

The blonde quirked up an eyebrow at the clearly feminine but thick accent and asked "So it was all a prank? Who or what the hell are you? Some kind of slime monster?" the contents of the bag jiggled as it chortled "Slime monster? Not even close boyo. Lemme out of 'ere and I'll tell you who I am. We got a deal?"

"Promise not to run?" asked Chang'e who spoke for herself this time instead of through her rabbit companion. The bag jiggled again as the blot replied "Aye. I promise. Ye can 'ave your panties back too." The blonde looked to the two goddesses, they crossed their arms and thought for a moment then nodded, allowing him to release this creature.

Naruto untied the trash bag allowing the blot to spill out. When it touched the floor it immediately jiggled and began warping, it stood upright then took on a female humanoid shape, and finally it took on the form of a woman with black hair, shaved into a Mohawk, she wore a black trench coat with a white Tshirt with a black skull on the front. Her lip had two piercings on her lower lip near the corner of her mouth, and another three on her right ear. Her sleeves were rolled up showing tattoos. On her right arm was the Kanji for 'Black' and on the left arm was the tattooed Kanji for 'Fear'

"She looks like a Punk rocker." Naruto noted out loud, causing the strange woman to laugh as she tossed a pair of panties to the goddesses. "Aye. It be my style boyo. Names Alexis Black. Friends call me Alex. Mischief maker. Minor goddess/Bogeyman. And over all pain in the ass, at your service. Nice one catching me; seems I got too careless this time."

The three tilted their head in some confusion. Bastet asked in an unsure tone "A…. Female…. Bogeyman?" Alex chuckled as she answered "Aye. That be right. Male/Female ratio for us Bogeymen is 10 to 1. We can copulate to reproduce but generally we are born from the sins of Naughty Children. 'behave or the bogeyman will get ye' is what parents say. Rightfully so boyo."

The blonde scratched his cheek and then said without thinking "You talk kind of funny. I never heard that accent before." Alex snorted, stifling a laugh as she replied "Aye, guess I sound strange huh? I am actually from Ireland."

A question mark appeared over the whiskered teens head "Never heard of that place." He said dumbly. The bogeyman just shrugged and spoke casually "Didn't expect ye to boyo. Tell ye what, how 'bout ye let me stay awhile, aye? I can't pay ye in valuables but I can do other things for ye. Can make trouble for anyone that wants ta mess with this fine place."

Naruto scratched his chin and replied "That… could be helpful actually. You can stay." Alex grinned at that and hugged him squishing his face against her Low D-cup chest. "You be a good one boyo. Tell me…. You a virgin?"

The bogeyman giggled perversely making the Moon Faerie cry out through Pipkin "What does that have to do with anything?!" Alex just smiled and replied casually "I be a woman aye? I have needs. I find the young ones most satisfying." She licked along the blonde's cheek making him blush red.

Bastet flexed her claws and yelled "Stay away from Naruto you pedophile!" the Irish bogeyman laughed and spit back in amusement "I be a pedo? What does that make ye? Two women bunking with a cute lad like this? Tsk. I smell hypocrisy."

Chang'e and Bastet stammered, they were caught off guard by the comment. Naruto managed to slip away before things got any more out of control as he exited the apartment, he sighed and heard a loud chewing coming from below him. It was Goku hanging onto a rope with her feet and tail, munching on a banana as she scrubbed off the graffiti.

She noticed his presence and spoke in a muffled voice between chewing "Hi Whiskers! Goku was bored so Goku started cleaning. Paint coming off! Goku scrubs hard!" the blonde smiled at the friendly Monkey King. She managed to hold what was left of her banana and reached between her breasts for a second then pulled out another one.

"Where were you keeping that?!" yelped Naruto, unsure of how Goku kept pulling things out from between her breasts, making him wonder if there was some kind of hammer space hidden there. "Whiskers want banana? Banana good for friend! Keep healthy!"

Naruto accepted it as he peeled it and bit into it as he muttered a thanks. He noticed she was looking at him for a long moment and she spoke in an unusually normal tone "You're weak huh? Why friend so weak? Whiskers train to be strong right?"

A solemn look crossed the blonde's face as he explained "Uh, yeah. I have failed the Academy twice. I know that for some reason my chakra is too potent for low level jutsu. Not even Iruka will help me." The Monkey King stared at him for a long moment then said simply "So Whiskers need strong Jutsu?"

The blonde slowly nodded making the red-headed Monkey smile broadly as she spoke in her usual loud voice "Okay! Goku doesn't know Ninjutsu! But Goku knows where Jutsu is! Goku be back soon!" she somehow pulled her staff from between her breasts and the leapt from rooftop to rooftop in the direction of the Hokage tower, making the whiskered teen wonder where she was heading.

He sighed as he at last went to get the items appraised, on the way he felt something crawling around in his pants, he swatted at the general area of the sensation. On impact an audible 'ow' was heard as a small black blot slithered out of his pants.

It then formed into a six inch tall miniature version of Alex. "That hurt boyo!" she yelled, tapping her foot in anger. The blonde scratched his head replying "I felt something crawling in my pants! I think that would warrant a swat! Now… how are you here? And… why are you so… small?"

The mini bogeyman smirked as she replied "Fair enough boyo. To answer ye, I actually split myself apart. We bogeyman don't have truly solid forms. We can split ourselves apart to be in multiple places at once. My main body is still at the apartment."

Naruto nodded as he picked her up and asked "Why are you following me?" Alex climbed into his shirt pocket and replied to him "Was curious about ye boyo. Heard rumors amongst villagers. Something 'bout demons."

The blonde nodded gravely as he walked on. Unaware that a masked figure was watching him.

 **Meanwhile with Goku**.

Goku stood in front of the Hokage tower. A broad grin on her face. Her cousin Kape had told her that there was a big scroll that had lots of powerful Jutsu. If she took it then her friend could take whatever Jutsu he wants from it. Genius!

She giggled to herself as she scaled the tower, she leapt from floor to floor, until she was just one floor away from the Hokage office… and then… "HEY COUSIN! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" came a scream from below making the Monkey screech in surprise and leapt upwards, bursting through the window.

The Sandaime looked in surprise at the intruder but was knocked out by a nosebleed when he saw a pair of tits coming towards him. When she landed, Goku cleaned off the glass shards in her hair and muttered "Owie. That scary! Who yell at Goku?"

Her question was answered as a dark-skinned ape woman appeared and yelled "Ha ha! I got you Cousin!" Goku groaned at that. It was her cousin The Ape Prince Kape. Who has a habit of visiting at the worst of times.

"Goku busy! Important work! No grabbing Goku's boobs! Kape leave!" yelled the red-haired Monkey king as she found a not so well hidden safe…. Which was unlocked, allowing the monkey king access to the contents within. With a grin she pulled out the Forbidden scroll and decided that now would be a good time to leave.

"oooh, what are you doing with that cousin?" asked the Ape woman making Goku reply back "Goku taking this for friend! Whiskers need Jutsu! Big scroll have Jutsu!"

Kape sweat dropped as she asked "You do know that what you're holding contains Jutsu that could flatten an entire village right?" At this the Monkey King stuck her tongue out at her cousin and said plainly "Goku not care! Friend more important!"

In the Ape woman's mind she thought 'Just like Goku. Strong, but so simple.' Before she could open her mouth the Monkey woman had already gone out the window. "Damn! I hadn't gotten a chance to investigate those suspicious boobs of Goku's!"

 **Back with Naruto.**

At long last the blonde had traded the gold coins and Jade bauble for a sizeable sum of money, under a Henge of course. All the while he had a feeling of dread however as he carried his money back to his home.

"Now what has got you worked up for Boyo? You've been shaking for awhile now." Asked the Irish Bogeyman who was hiding in his pocket. The blonde merely shook his head as he answered her "Not sure… I just feel like someone might be following me."

The mini Alex scratched her head, not sure what to make of it. Suddenly she looked at the ground and took note of a looming shadow "Boyo? I think ye might have unpleasant company." The blonde raised an eyebrow as he looked at the ground and noticed the same shadow, he sweated bullets as he slowly turned around… and was met with a Large figure wearing a mask.

Alex immediately recognized who it was as she yelled "RUN BOYO! THAT BE THANATOS! A REAPER OF SOULS!" the blonde didn't think twice as he was about to bolt, but was grabbed by the collar and lifted to Thanatos' eye level.

"Got you brat. I have been looking for you." A deep rumbling voice came from the Death God. "What do you want with me?! I am not dead!" yelled Naruto as he struggled in the god's grip.

A dark aura appeared around Thanatos as he spoke gravelly "No? I am aware of who lives and dies. You should have died a thousand times already from your childhood. So WHY?! WHY DOES A MORTAL HUMAN EVADE MY GRASP? IT WAS BAD ENOUGH WHEN THOSE GODS AND GODDESSES KEPT APPEARING AND MOCKING MY PURPOSE WITH THEIR IMMORTAL EXISTENCE! NOW THERE ARE HUMANS APPEARING THAT ARE DEFYING ME! AND YOU! YOU DO NOT SEEK IMMORTALITY AND YET WHY CAN'T I TAKE YOUR SOUL?!"

The blonde felt his ears ringing at the force of his shouting as he answered "I swear, I don't know how I lived through all that…. I just did." This angered Thanatos further as he spoke "Humans 'don't just' survive. They either live or die. That is it. You lived through starvation, dehydration, mobs, burnings, stabbings, poisons, and yet you just don't die! Hmph, this time I shall take care of you personally."

From inside Naruto's pocket Alex was relaying what was happening to her main body and by extension Bastet and Chang'e.

The masked death god proceeded to draw his blade until a second voice cut in "Ara Ara Thanatos. What might you be doing on my turf?" The masked god turned and made a low growl as he muttered "Shinigami."

When the masked god turn to face the addressed god, Naruto paled since he was in the presence of not one, but two gods of death. The Shinigami held a Sakè bottle and took a swig before speaking with an edge to his voice "You know it is taboo for two Gods of death to be in the same place. Disrupts a veeery delicate balance of nature. And you of all Death gods should know you can't reap those who aren't on the 'To Die' list."

Thanatos growled as he spit back "You are as sloppy and carefree as ever. Your shoddy and lazy work ethic clearly let this brat slip through the cracks. Like that Senju brother, Tobirama who created that thrice damned Edo Tensei, Orochimaru, and that crazy sado-masochist!"

The Shinigami twirled a lock of hair between his fingers before replying "Don't mention them to me... you know, you piss me off you old bastard. I am lazy huh? I actually tried reaping the kid… but it didn't work."

Naruto, Alex who was still hidden in the blonde's pocket, and even Thanatos were shocked by this statement. "What the hell does that mean?" questioned the Greek death god prompting the Shinigami to coldly reply "Go ahead and try to reap him. See for yourself."

With a grunt the masked god dropped the blonde to the ground then with a roar, swung his scythe downwards toward the whiskered teen. Time seemed to slow down as the tip reached his chest…. Then on impact… the scythe blade shattered.

For a moment Naruto thought his heart would leap out of his chest from fright… until he noticed he was still living and breathing. "What trickery is this?!" yelled Thanatos in confusion and anger. A dark chuckle came from the Shinigami as he spoke after drinking some of his alcohol "Can't you tell? Gotten senile? The boy CAN'T die. Uzu won't let him."

The masked god scoffed at that "Uzu? That island has been dead for centuries." A dark aura enveloped the Shinigami as he answered "Not dead. Merely bled into a coma and left broken and forgotten. A fate worse than death… being forgotten and erased. But very much alive and seeking vengeance."

Thanatos looked at the blonde, then back to his fellow death god and growled out "This isn't over you brat." The Shinigami just chuckled and casually spoke "Call me a brat if you want old man. I'll still trump you every time."

With a growl the Greek death god vanished into the wind like ash. The Shinigami approached the blonde and helped him to his feet "Sorry about him. Guy is an uber workaholic. Reaps all the livelong day. Doesn't think about the potential in people like you."

The blonde gulped as he said "Not sure what that was about, but thanks Mister." The death god tilted his head "Mister? You think I am a man?"

Naruto's eyes widened to dinner plates as he asked "You mean you aren't?!" with a shrug the Death god took off the hannya mask revealing a beautiful woman underneath **(A/N: Just think Miya from Sekirei.)**

"Sorry about the confusion. This thing does tend to hide my true gender, and my voice kind of echoes in there making me sound deeper and more masculine. To be honest… when I first started out, I was uh, too beautiful. Men killed themselves daily seeking my hand in marriage so I uh, started wearing this mask thing." Explained the now revealed Female Shinigami.

"Wow. Uh, sorry for thinking you were a man. Honest mistake really. Anyway… What is Uzu? You said… it wouldn't let me die." Asked the blonde, genuinely curious; meanwhile in the background two goddesses were hidden. Glad they managed to call the Shinigami before it was too late since they didn't have a chance against Thanatos.

The Shinigami simply replied "Sorry. But that's top secret. I can only say this: There is far more to you, than you EVER thought possible." Naruto was confused at this but then she leaned in close and crouched to eye level, making him blush as she gave him a sultry smile "I'll be sure to come by your little Inn when it is ready. Oh and my card. Call if Thanatos bothers you again."

She placed a card in his hand with a phone number, and the name 'Miya Shinigami' on it as she walked away with a large grin on her face. 'That kid might not seem like much but… I can see the threads of fate. My eyes see…. That soon he shall possess a special power… that shall flip the world upside down and inside out. This is going to he… fun' she thought in her mind with a broad grin.

 **End chapter two.**

 **Omake: Don't take Goku's banana nut cake**!

Goku sat in her friends home, munching on a banana nut cake she had bought from a bakery after her recent excursion. "Wonder when Whiskers be back. Goku have special present." She glanced at the large scroll in the corner then took another bite of cake… then felt a familiar pair of hands grope her breasts.

"Cousin Kape? Why Cousin Kape keep touching Goku's boobs?" cried out the Monkey king, making her cousin reply back "These big tits of yours are suspicious! Where do you hide whatever you pull out of them?" the ape woman kneaded her cousins breasts making her blush, then reached around in the valley of her breasts searching for the Monkey King's bag of Senzu beans.

Only to grab at nothing but air. With a frustrated sigh she stops and sits down "One day I am gonna crack the mystery of those weird tits!" Kape yelled, then without thinking she took a bite of the cake. When she realized what she bit into her head slowly turned to her cousin who's fangs were jutting out from her lips.

With a shout that sounded like 'Kaioken!' a crimson aura flashed around Goku as she pounced on her cousin who cried out in fear.

Hours later, one young man of twenty years old with fair skin, and blonde hair entered his room… and found his girlfriend Kape holding an ice pack to her swollen ass cheeks. "Again Kape? That's the third time this month! I think you need a new hobby."

"Shut up love! I was doing a serious investigation!" yelled the ape woman who was nursing her stinging butt. "Like the pool girl from Taki?" asked the young man as he sat down and opened a can of soda. "Don't bring Carly into this! She made the first move on me!"

"Don't forget. I might be sharing you with Carly… but you were my girlfriend before then… should I remind you of that?" said the blonde man making the dark skinned ape yell out "Nooooooo! Not now! Goku was too rough on me! I'm still sore!"

"No rest for the wicked." Spoke her boyfriend as Konoha was filled with screams of pain… followed by pleasure.

Meanwhile a certain Monkey King was snoring away. Taking a nap after brutally spanking her cousin and using her staff for… various purposes.

 **End Omake.**

 **A/N: No need to take Omake seriously. This chapter left me in a funk for awhile. So I had to claw my way through an inch at a time. And for those that have complained about Goku's personality, get over it. She isn't necessarily stupid. Just simple and it is just the way she talks. Anyway, my next update is possibly another chapter of One Bad Day, or a Naruto/(Shingeki no Kyojin) Attack on Titan story I've been holding on to for awhile now**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Sorry for lack of updates. This one goes out to my GF.**

 **Chapter three: Arrival! Bellona, the fierce goddess!**

The bell rang as students of the Shinobi Academy filed out. Among them one Naruto Uzumaki was writing down ideas to do for dinner for his new guests. Rumors had spread that he was living with strange women ever since Goku had helped him with Sasuke.

The blonde froze in midstep outside the Academy when he heard this clopping sound… it could only have been… a horse running? He looked and saw an armored woman on a horse galloping towards the Academy "Incoming!" the blonde yelled, catching everyone's attention, then noticed the horse and it's rider. They quickly cleared a space, however one Iruka failed to catch on to what was happening and… (WHAM) was slammed in the back by the black horse sending him sliding across the ground.

The rider gazed out on to the students with cold and calculating eyes that showed an unparalleled ferocity that only battle hardened War Veterans can show. She dismounted from her horse, and clasped her hands behind her back as she paced. Her eyes scanning the students.

After a few moments she came to a halt with a stomp and spoke "Is this not the Shinobi Academy of Konoha?" Mizuki helped up Iruka, the former replying "Um, yes it is?" the silver haired Chunin found a sword pointed at him as she bellowed "AND THIS IS ALL YOU HAVE TO OFFER? I HAVE SEEN PUPPIES DRINKING FROM THEIR MOTHER'S TEATS WITH MORE FIGHT THAN THIS LOT OF BRATS!"

Iruka rubbed his back as it made several cracking noises with each step as he asked "These are Children! Who are you anyway?" she glared at the pair of Chunin and replied "I am Bellona! And I shall replace you! How dare you call yourselves trainers of warriors?! These 'children' mustn't be coddled! They must be hardened into true battle ready warriors that bathe and dance in the blood atop a mountain of their fallen enemies!"

A number of students paled at the image as Bellona approached them. She shoved her face in front of one Ino Yamanaka and spoke coldly "What… is your purpose here?" the blonde girl felt the urge to relieve herself but resisted as she replied "To… to… to be a Kunoichi and gain Sasuke-Kun's approval!" this was the wrong answer to give as Ino found and armored fist punch her in the gut, forcing out the contents of her stomach, which was very little due to her dieting.

Bellona stomped Ino's face into the vomit on the ground and grumbled "Pathetic. Worthless. A Fangirl eh? Dieting are you? At your level and mentality, it wouldn't take much for the enemy to kill you, and that's if you are fortunate. You are beautiful however, enemy males shall find you most pleasurable to rape and defile, till you die… or wish you were." With every single word Ino, couldn't help but cry out in terror. Not wanting to fall victim to such a fate.

Iruka put a hand on the armored woman's shoulder and spoke angrily "That's enough! This isn't necessary!" the black haired woman swatted his hand away and growled "But it is! These children need to realize that being a Shinobi does not mean Men or Women or Fortune and Glory. It is cruel, and vile. And I swear I shall train them to be true warriors! Not whimpering sacks of flesh!"

She shoved Iruka to the ground and then thrust her face into Hinata's the girl, already trying to hide away into her coat and vanish into oblivion "What is your purpose here?" the Hyuuga heiress' mouth opened and closed. Words refusing to leave her mouth.

Naruto then spoke up "Hey! Leave her alone!" the armored woman's head snapped to his direction. She then marched over to him as she spoke "You have a problem boy?" the blonde stared her down and nodded stiffly making Bellona's eyes narrow as she asked "Do you now? With what?"

The whiskered teen crossed his arms and replied "Your behavior. You're acting like a brute and a thug. I can respect wanting to teach us the harsh realities of being a Shinobi, but what you're doing is bullying. And a bully does not make an effective teacher."

All the students stared at the blonde boy, believing he was crazy for talking back to this woman. However, Bellona's response wasn't what they expected as she cracked a smile then let out a bellowing laughter "HAHAHA! FINALLY! I WAS LOOKING FOR AT LEAST ONE STUDENT THAT HAD THE BALLS TO STAND UP TO ME! YOU PASSED MY TEST! YOU BOY, ARE GOING TO BE A FINE SOLDIER!" she roughly patted him on the head then pointed at him.

"Look at this! This brat had the stones to backtalk me, amongst all you students… as such… he shall be your commanding officer!" she bellowed with a huge grin. Everyone's eyes widened to the size of dinner plates at that, and one Sasuke shouted "What the hell does that mean?!"

The armored woman merely answered "Simple, this is no longer a classroom where you sit on your asses. You are now a platoon of troops, and he is your commanding officer! If he says 'Jump' you must say 'How high?' if he says 'run' then you must say 'how far and how fast?'. Is that clear?!"

Sasuke snapped angrily "Hell no! If anyone here should be the leader it should be me!" Bellona marched up to the Uchiha and glared down at him as she spoke in a tone of authority "It would seem you hold no respect for higher authority. Others might bend to your will, but I shall not. Whatever backwards and washed out lineage you come from has no meaning here."

The Uchiha glared at her but it died down quickly under her intense gaze. At last he tched and looked to Iruka and Mizuki. The former Chunin cleared his throat and spoke "Bellona-san, I now see you were testing the students before, albeit brutally. But Naruto has the worst grades overall, so he won't be able to handle the responsibility. If anyone can handle it I believe Sasuke Uchiha can."

The black haired woman glanced at Sasuke and replied to the Chunin "Not happening. My choice is final. So the boy's name is Naruto eh? Good to know. Now, starting tomorrow you shall all arrive at six A.M sharp. Lateness shall be punished." The various students all groaned in complaint at not only having to listen to Naruto but also about having to arrive to school so early.

With that she dismissed them and got onto her horse and galloped away. Mizuki then whispered to Iruka "Should we… report to Hokage-sama?" the scarred Chunin look to his assistant and replied quickly "Yes we should."

Naruto went over to Ino and helped her off the ground. The mud caking her face and hair. "You okay Ino?" his fellow blonde shook her head replying "No. I…. I don't feel well. I… I need to go home." She then ran off sobbing in shame and anguish at what had recently occurred.

Naruto felt kind of bad for her, but knew that her fangirlism had to be stamped out and quickly.

 **Back at Naruto's apartment complex.**

Goku was scrubbing graffiti off of the building happily humming away as she used her tail to hang onto a rope, she then heard someone sneaking up behind her and spoke in a bored tone "Go away Kape. Goku busy. Goku cleaning friend's building." The Ape Prince popped into existence with a frown "Aww. And here I was about to investigate your suspicious boobs."

The Monkey King frowned and was about to speak but then heard galloping. The two looked down and spotted one "BELLONA?!" the two screeched then scrambled about to hide. Goku got caught in the rope and hung upside down struggling to get free, and Kape bumped into several trash cans hoping to hide.

Bellona was known for her passion for battle and Warfare. What she lacked in temples and worshippers she made up for with raw ferocity. Goku loved testing her strength but she was no fool to take on a brute like Bellona.

The door to Naruto's apartment opened revealing Alex in her underwear brushing her teeth and muttered "Hell's going on out 'ere?" the Bogeyman nearly did a spit take when she saw the intimidating form of Bellona at the door.

"umm. Nice day, eh lass?" spoke Alex to which the War goddess nodded and replied "Indeed. Hmm. No clear Pantheon so a minor goddess. Thick accent is Irish. Form appears Semi solid. A Bogeyman perhaps?" the Irishwoman simply nodded at the quick assessment. She then asked while running a hand through her Mohawk "Aye. Something I can do for ye?"

"I wish to speak to the one in charge of this establishment." Bellona stated presenting a business card like which the other tenants presented, although this ones contact information was smudged and unreadable.

The Bogeyman simply nodded and ushered the goddess inside and muttered "If things were crazy before they are about to get even crazier."

 **Meanwhile**.

Naruto was on his way home. Still surprised by recent events at the Academy. He then heard what sounded like… crunching. The blonde slowly turned and saw a hooded figure feasting on a human body, and this figure also had… what appeared to be a fanged mouth on it body.

"what's this? More to feast on?" the figure spoke as it's eyes focused on the blonde. Naruto let out a scream as he ran off, the figure chasing after the blonde "Come back here mortal! I'll kill you quickly if you stop running!" it yelled as it slowly caught up to Naruto "Hell no! Stay away! I'm not gonna be your lunch!" the blonde yelled as a dust cloud appeared behind him as he ran as fast as he could.

The creature was about to pounce but a series of arrows shot through his legs then another volley pinned his arms to the ground. He yowled angrily as he screamed "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!" a proud voice then answered him "Not sorcery. Skill."

Naruto looked and saw a woman carrying a bow. She turned to him and asked "Are you all right child?" he nodded then asked "What the hell was that thing?" she began hogtying the creature and answered "He is a demon called Bakasura. He has a ravenous appetite for human flesh. I have been tracking him for some weeks. A worthy hunt indeed."

Naruto stared at her for a moment and then asked hesitantly "Are… you… some kind of goddess?" she glanced at him then replied "How astute of you. How did you know?" the whiskered teen rubbed the back of his head and spoke "Kind of a vibe. You aren't the first one I have met. Earlier I met one called Bellona and…"

He was interrupted by the woman who yelled "BELLONA IS HERE?! WHERE IS SHE? WHERE DID SHE GO?!" she demanded as she violently shook the blonde for information. When she had finished shaking him he had passed out with swirls in his eyes.

With a sigh picked up her captured quarry then decided to use her tracking skills to find the blonde's home. After some time she had narrowed it down to an apartment complex where a pair of female primates were furiously cleaning off graffiti. From the looks of it, the paint was quite old. So it couldn't refer to Bakasura.

Was the boy some kind of demon offspring? Was there some other reason to this? She did not know as she approached the top floor. With her enhanced senses she caught the scent of, a feline, a rabbit, and… she caught the scent of "BELLONA!" the Huntress kicked in the door where said Goddess of war was sitting on a couch, calmly chatting with Bastet and Chang'e.

"ARTEMIS!" Shouted the Goddess of War as she brandished her blade and shield, while the now revealed Artemis aimed her bow at her rival. Chang'e and Bastet gaped in horror. It was well known that both Artemis and Bellona were quite alike. Both were fierce and prideful, which sparked a fierce rivalry between the two that nearly destroyed an entire island when they last did battle.

Suddenly the blonde shot up and shouted "OI! NO FIGHTING INSIDE MY HOTEL YOU JERKS!" they both angrily turned to him demanding in unison "And who the hell are you to get between us?!"

The blonde crossed his arms and spoke "Naruto Uzumaki. And I am the landlord of this place." The room stood silent. Both Artemis and Bellona staring at the blonde… then… they let out a rather girlish scream as they tackled him. "A REAL UZUMAKI! A REAL UZUMAKI!" shouted the two as they hugged him close.

"I hereby claim you as my Lord and master Uzumaki-sama! Your clan were fierce warriors and excellent Patrons to me! I shall smite your enemies with extreme prejudice!" shouted Bellona, her face rubbing against his.

"No! Accept me as your humble servant! Not this brutish woman! I shall hunt the rarest of animals and bring them to you as homage to your great clan!" screamed the Huntress. After a few moments the blonde got free and asked "The hell you talking about? I have a clan?"

The two nodded with the Roman goddess of War explaining "But of course my lord! The Uzumaki clan were a small but fierce clan with their own island nation that was on it's way to being the Sixth Shinobi nation! But they were betrayed and left for dead by Konoha!"

"Then, Kushina infiltrated Konoha of her own volition to destroy the village from within! She became so fierce a Huntress she was dubbed Kushina 'The Evil' Uzumaki! She took scalps from her fallen victims as trophies! She whispered prayers to both me… and this… thug." Explained Artemis.

"So ever since then we have been arguing over who should Patron the Uzumaki clan. Even after so few remain." Spoke the Armored goddess. Then the two bowed in unison "Please accept me as your servant!" they spoke in unison.

Naruto was barely processing what they had spoken about his clan. Then he remembered the Shinigami had mentioned he was of importance but she never specified why. The two goddesses noticed his silence then spoke "You are hesitating?!

The War goddess then shouted "I shall prove my worth to you and slay your enemies!" the Huntress growled "Blasphemy! I shall prove my worth by hunting a Boss summons and bring it's head as the young lord's trophy!" with that the two dashed out the door.

Alex then emerged from a dark corner of the room and asked "Uh… what in the hell just happened boyo?" Naruto could only reply "I don't even know. This is weird even for me."

Goku peeked through the doorway with her cousin and asked "Are scary ladies gone?" Bastet gave them a curt 'yep' which caused the two primates to relax. And enter. "Who's that?" Chang'e asked through her rabbit companion Pipkin using her ventriloquism.

Goku looked to her cousin "This Kape! She Ape prince! She Goku's cousin!" the ape woman nodded and replied "Yep! I usually drop in to investigate Goku's suspicious boobs!" they all raised an eyebrow at that then saw Goku pull a watermelon from between her breasts.

"SEE?! SEE?! THOSE BOOBS ARE WAY TOO SUSPICIOUS!" yelled Kape pointing at her cousin. They could only nod in agreement. Wondering how the Monkey King kept such things hidden in her breasts like that.

The blonde sighed as he sat, digesting the recent information he had received. Wondering how this might impact his life.

 **End chapter one.**

 **A/N: Okay. Waaaaay shorter than intended but next chapter will be longer. I promise. No flames please. And no complaints involving the length. I already know it is on the short side.**


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